DAY THREE
It's the final day of the Festival today. I've really enjoyed taking part and want to thank everyone who's taken the trouble to visit my blog , especially if you left a comment as well. I've loved reading all the great posts of the other participants as well, this has been such a fun exercise.
Today we were supposed to write a 'flash' fiction piece representing 'emotion' . This is my effort, from my current WIP, 'Beloved Enemy' which will be the third book in the futuristic romance series that started with Starquest and continued with 'Children Of The Mist. I'd be interested to know if you think the emotion comes through, and what emotion I am actually trying to portray. The male character is Kerry Marchant, and the female one is Katt O'Brian. Because I love to illustrate my posts I've included the cover I designed to keep my motivation going for this story.

"That cross and the locket are priceless—to me. Steal them and you would be very, very sorry.”
The pain she saw in his eyes told her it was dangerous to probe more deeply, but somehow she couldn’t help herself. “She was pretty. You must have loved her very much.”
"The woman in the locket was my mother. I never knew her. She died when I was a small child.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to be. It happened a long time ago, as I said, I was only a child.”
“The cross was hers too?”
He was silent for so long she wondered if he was ever going to answer her. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”
“No, it's not. But if it makes you happy, you might as well know. The cross didn’t belong to her. It belonged to …a woman I cared for—a great deal.” He stared at her with that blue gaze that seemed to look into her very soul, and yet somehow not see her at all. “Before you ask, she’s dead too. She died from a laser bolt intended for me. Satisfied?”
The anguish in his eyes, the pain in his voice, almost tore her in two. She wanted to reach out, to touch him, offer some words of comfort, but none came. This man who had such an effect on her was in love with a phantom from the past, and it was apparent that the wound ran deep and raw, far deeper than any physical hurt he sustained over the last couple of days.

'STARQUEST' 'CHILDREN OF THE MIST' (The sequel to Starquest) Dancing With Fate 'Freeread':'A BARGAIN WITH DEATH 'STARQUEST' 'CHILDREN OF THE MIST' (The sequel to Starquest) Dancing With Fate 'Freeread':'A BARGAIN WITH DEATH'
Also available on Kindle
Your male MC sounds very angry in his grief, while your female protagonist sounds like she's smitten and wants to rescue him from this heartache. A very passionate piece.
ReplyDeleteGreat sense of voice.
ReplyDeleteA to Z Challenge April 2012
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
You pretty well nailed it Madeleine, thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Damyanti!
ReplyDeleteI feel for him, too, because you did a great job of portraying her empathy for him. You can tell she truly cares for him. Nice!
ReplyDeleteThanks Emily, I'm glad you feel it worked.
ReplyDeleteThis was indeed a challenge--hard to write when I'm so busy, that's why I like the 'challenge' of challenges! It helps set a deadline for me, and I find that helpful. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! Have a good weekend!
ReplyDeleteI wish her luck a man that wounded is hard to get close to. I really felt his pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to say grief for the male and longing for the woman? Beautiful writing!
ReplyDeleteSad :( I really feel for him and her equally. Wanting someone who can't let go of what he's lost. And then the flip side of feeling like if he moves on, he'd be betraying someone he loved. Totally brought me there. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteHi Lady Bluestocking - I know what you mean. I have a joint blog which is very interactive on Fridays (as well as trying to finish this WIP) so haven't got round to reading as many of the other posts as I wanted to, but I love this challenge and will try to as many of the other entries as I can.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting, you have a great weekend too.
Hi Angela
ReplyDeleteThanks - you're so right, he never was easy to get close to... and even more so now - !
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Deana, and you're right, although Katt has issues of her own to deal with as well. I'm glad the feelings of these two came through for you.
ReplyDeleteCassie, that just about sums it up,too. As I'm in the process of revising this story, which is stil a WIP, it's good to know I'm conveying the right sort of emotions for these two characters. Thanks so much.
ReplyDeletethis was very well written. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily. The empathy really shows through. So well written. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Love the voice.
ReplyDeleteI am going to say grief and denial for him and longing for her. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amber, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelly, I'm really glad the empathy came through.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicole, really happy you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Melissa. Thanks so much for your kind comment.
ReplyDeleteBitter guy, sensitive woman.
ReplyDeleteYou got it smack dab on girl. Just like you always do!
Bless you, Mary dear friend, thank you! x
ReplyDeleteI feel his pain and her longing to comfort him. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Medeia - I'm glad you feel I managed to convey these emotions these two are feeling.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! His grief is so deep, and you writing was so descriptive! Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ashley - I'm so glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteWhat powerful pain. I really felt for the characters. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks Miranda, I'm glad I managed to convey the depth of pain.
ReplyDelete